Rant for the Day

Ok, so I make a bad habit of reading the comments posted on KSL.com stories. This is a bad habit because it turns me into a ranting maniac...especially since I seem to gravitate towards articles about parenting and pregnancy, and I can't help but feel strongly about those topics. Cole sent me a link to a story which, upon reading, I found hilarious and spot on.

The 3 Things You're Allowed to Say to a Pregnant Lady

Anyway, like the idiot I am, I read the comments on the story, and I found one that bothered me a lot:

"...I have admittedly never understood why pregnant women are uber-sensitive about their perceived hugeness. I haven't experienced it so it makes no sense to me, but from my perspective there is little in this world that is more beautiful than a pregnant woman--swollen ankles and all. In my own struggles, there has been nothing more painful than an empty womb and knowing that I can never give life and will never be a mommy."

AND....now I'm going to be insensitive. I don't like to be insensitive, but this is MY blog and I'm saying what I feel. If you don't like it, don't read it.

First of all, this comment is borderline threadjacking. It's not entirely relevant to the subject and just screams for a story of its own. Common internet courtesy prohibits (or, at least, strongly discourages) threadjacking. Threadjacking bothers me.

Second of all, it is a BIG pet peeve of mine when people turn every conversation into one about them and their trials. Guess what? EVERYONE has trials. EVERYONE thinks their trials are harder or more important than anyone else's. NO ONE wants to hear about how you think you're worse off than everyone else.

Third of all, it makes me feel guilty for something that is completely out of my control, and that's unfair. I don't know why God decided I could have children and you could not. All I know is my own situation and how it makes me feel. Just because you're upset about your own situation does not make my feelings or emotions any less valid because you'd give an arm or a leg to be in my position.


I have been SO fortunate to have easy, problem-free pregnancies, labors, and deliveries. I've borne two healthy boys, and I am carrying my third with every expectation of a positive outcome. You don't need to tell me how lucky I am. It is something I thank God for every day of my life. It is NOT something that I ever take for granted.

My heart aches for all of the women who struggle to have their own children or who are never able to have children on their own. I will NEVER understand exactly how you feel, but I can imagine how I would feel in the same situation. If I could choose, no woman would ever suffer from infertility. No parent would ever have to outlive his/her child. I pray often for the women around me, especially my friends, who have experienced these trials because they are not something I would wish for anyone to have. I hope my comments haven't offended any of them, because they are women whom I admire and respect for their positive outlook on life and quiet strength in times of suffering.

I promise never to be purposely insensitive again if everyone else promises to do the same. Everyone in the world could do with a little more understanding for those around us, no matter our individual situations.

"Jesus said love everyone;
Treat them kindly, too.
When your heart is filled with love,
Others will love you."


Brittany said...

You use really big words that I have never heard before haha "threadjacking" don't know what that is..but didn't want to do it! :)

eRiKa AnD rOb said...

I completely agree with you! I have a hard time reading comments also because someone always says something dumb that makes me huffy puffy. Thanks for the rant, put a smile on my face haha

Jessica said...

Britt: Threadjacking is when someone leaves a comment on a story/blog that isn't completely relevant to the story/blog and incites a discussion in the comments that is unrelated to the original post. Like, carjacking is stealing someone's car, threadjacking is stealing someone's "thread" (comments section). I highly doubt you were going to do that. :)

Erika: Phew! I'm glad I'm not the only one. :)

Devri said...

So true. I like what you said that you shouldn't have to feel guilty about what is happening to you or someone else, as far as fertility goes. When I was the Relief Society in Wymount, I attended a meeting with other RSPs about how things are working in their wards, and someone mentioned that they don't let their sisters announce pregnancies in the good news minute because of the potential hurt it could cause to all those women who are suffering from infertility. I thought that was unfair and unright. What good news could be better than a baby announcement?! Then we'd have to stop telling people when we got a job, because there are those who have been struggling to find work. And singles' wards should stop announcing engagements because that will hurt all those people trying to find love and marriage. But, I'm off on a bit of a tangent, and I don't want to threadjack ;)

Seriously, I agree with you totally. When are we getting together again?

Natalie said...

Infertility is so complicated. The emotions of an Infertile are a crazy roller coaster ride and especially in how we react to other people's pregnancy announcements. Sorrow usually always ensues but is almost always followed by elation and happiness for your friends, both who never had difficulty and for those who have dealt with infertility and are at last able to achieve pregnancy.
While infertility and loss may be one of the most difficult things I have gone through, hearing about other trials that are seemingly “more difficult” helps put things in perspective. It’s not that one trial is bigger or “better” than someone else’s, but I think it helps being reminded that while life is tough, it can be a whole lot tougher. And while an Infertile should learn to be happy for the successful pregnancy of others, those who are pregnant should be mindful of the emotions of an Infertile. Again, it’s complicated and yes, unfair. But that’s life and I think the best thing anyone can do is what you did in counting your blessings as often as we can.

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