It's Our Life!

Once again, Cole has come to blog. Let me start off by saying that as I get older I become more open about what I am thinking about. As our blog gets great response I want to share my thoughts today. Now as this blog is meant to be directed towards family, I would love to get some opinions from outsiders.

Jessica, Kyle, Lucas and myself are currently very happy and are in a very good spot on our journey through this life. I in no way take them for granted and I will forever be with them. I feel the love of my wife and kids every day. I do not speak for my wife, but I would say that she is very proud of me and the choices we have made together.

As I sat through conference this weekend, I thought long and hard about my life and my family. In Priesthood session President Monson was talking to the young single adult males and said something like this: young single adult men should not put off getting married for the fear of certain troubles. He did mention disagreements, in-laws, and most important finances. He said that finances should not be a reason not to get married, but is in most cases how you grow closer to each other. This is exactly what has brought Jessica and me together through these last five years. Yes, we have had many trials that most people could say they haven't had to go through, but financially we have always struggled. But, this I say has brought us closer together as a couple almost more than anything else. We always have what we need and hardly ever what we want. My needs are my wife and two beautiful children.

*****DISCLAIMER: I in no way am saying that we have it harder than anyone else, there are people we know that have gone through 10 times more, this is just our experience. *****

This brings me to my next point. I am happily employed for Adobe who is outsourced by Teleperformance. I love my job and have no plans in the next 2-3 years to leave this job! I work for Teleperformance as a hourly paid agent, and am employed by Adobe with my commissions. I am happy with my compensations even if they are not socially accepted as responsible for a family of four. I have been told multiple times that I am not in a job where I can support my family, that Jessica should work too, and that I should seek something better. To this I say, this is none of anyone's business except Jessica, myself and the Lord. We have not made any decision lightly and always seek confirmation from the Lord through prayer. This is very personal and should not be debated in extended families; it is with everyone their own between husband and wife. In completing this thought I want everyone that has ever doubted me in my choices or who looks at me and says, "I wish he was doing this differently," that I am doing just fine, I have never let my family go without, never disappointed them, never done anything that has not been for their benefit.

I am now working 6-2:30 Monday through Friday and enjoy coming home and having more time with my family. The main reason for my early schedule is to facilitate me going back to school starting May 16th, 2011, and continuing until I have a degree in Sales and Marketing. To this I always get the "Are you sure you can go to school full time and still support your family?" or "That looks pretty hard to take 8 credit hours and work full time. I think that is too much for you." School has never been my strong suit, and I have given it up on more than one occasion after being inspired to focus on a career and supporting my family. Now is the first time that I have ever felt that I could do both and received a confirmation that it is right. Also, I will be attending Salt Lake Community College, and am not ashamed to be going there. Where you go to school does not matter; you do it for you the way you want to do it. I have chosen to get school done through SLCC and any further schooling the the University of Utah (although I am a BYU fan). That is what I have chosen to do for my education and that is my business and mine only; no one especially family members should question why, when, where or how.

The last point will be brief and just say how I feel. I am sure there will be blogs to come on this subject. My wife is a stay at home mom! Jessica has been staying at home with the kids for more than a year now, and we decided this together through much prayer and consideration of all of our options. We in no way should be criticized for this choice based on how much I make and how we are financially. Just because we don't make a certain amount doesn't mean the wife should go back to work. When Jessica and I were both working and with only one kid without a house we had more trouble financially than we do now that our income has been cut in half and we have a house payment to make. Yes, we make less and have less issues financially and in our marriage. We have learned to budget, and are in a better position now. I strongly do not feel that every mother should stay home as our situation does not work for everyone. So in no way am I saying that all women should stay in the home. I want to make that clear as I have very many wonderful family members who work outside the home for various reasons and are wonderful women. As for us, Jessica staying home has been the best thing for us and for our kids, and we should not be criticized for doing so.

To wrap up I just want everyone to know that if we lived in another state away from all family we would be just fine, just as we are right now. I do not want people to continue to underestimate us in our lives, we are strong in our faith and stronger in our love for each other. That is all that matters. Maybe people should focus on loving each other for who they are rather than judging them for what they are doing.


Natalie Sadler said...

It's really annoying when people (especially when it's your own family) try to tell you what dynamic your family should take one. I do believe you will have countless blessings for Jessica being a SAHM, and your children will always treasure that. My mother NEVER worked while she had kids in the home until my youngest sibling was 13, and it was such a blessing to us. It has strengthened my desire to stay at home with my children.

I also believe that learning to budget is essential to any happy marriage. And sometimes, we have to experience "tight times" to truly appreciate this important skill. Also, being financially pressed, I think, is also a big factor for a lot of people to learn to live frugally and self-sufficiently. While we have been saving money to pay for Jay's grad school in cash, save money for a house, and paying off huge medical bills from Ellie's birth, we have learned to shop cheaper, budget, and try a lot of "new," more frugal things to help our home, such as simply mending old clothes, making new baby clothes from old clothes, thrifting, cheaper laundry options, etc. It has given us great fulfillment, and I believe it has brought us closer to our goal to be self-sufficient people.

It's your life and your family. You don't have to listen to what other people say about the choices you have to make. It drives me crazy when people tell me to do things that I don't believe are necessary when it concerns my family, such as leaving my children with a babysitter so they get used to being babysat all the time. WHY ON EARTH would I need to do that when I'm going to be the prime caretaker of them 99.99999% of the time?! Same with formula. "You should teach your baby to take formula so you can go out and have a break--or you could take a little night away from the kids for your anniversary!"

Um, NO. Don't tell me what to do. I am the mother in this family and we will do things that we feel are right.

Sorry. I'm rambling. I know you will be happy and blessed for the path you take right now. Wish you luck!

Brittany said...

Your awesome! Good job in all your accomplishments,Cole you have worked very hard this year. Sorry people are giving you crap. There is no, "One Way" to raise a family there is just a right way for each and every individual family :) Everyone has their trials and some seem to repeat themselves far too often than others. I am grateful for your family in our life and especially lately. You and Jessica have really helped Chris and I in our tough time, tell Jess thanks for feeding my helpless husband. See you this week you will be able to meet Jack this week!

<3 B

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