We need to have a little talk. I know you've been working here since the dawn of time, and I know that it's common for someone that's two days older than dirt (not unlike yourself) to be quite firm in their ways...
BUT YOU HAVE TO CHANGE!
or my mind will explode.
I'm sure you think you're funny when you pretend to be an angry guest and complain about the service you received from yourself. I'm sure you think you're affable when you chat about everything under the sun during a service call to a housekeeper or an engineer and waste their valuable time. I'm sure you think you're intelligent when you spout off about your (at times closed-minded) political views to any unsuspecting passer-by and pretend that "Mr. President-Elect Barack Obama" has you on his speed dial. I'm sure you think you're awesome when you brag about all of the great vacations you take--BY YOURSELF.
Sure, maybe you're just quirky. It would be petty for me to dislike you solely for any of these reasons when I really only spend maybe 8 hours a week with you. In fact, they are just proverbial icing on the cake. My real grievance? I'm doing your job, in addition to mine, at least 60-70% of the time. Sure, I send room service calls to you, but that's because I don't have access to the program that would allow me to take those calls. I guess you get even, though, since you busy out your phone for 10 MINUTES while you finish putting in an order and I end up taking all the other calls that come in during that time. (FYI, I've taken room service orders before--it's not that hard! It shouldn't take so long for you to put them in.) You also make all of your personal social calls while you're at work, and since you're such a "friendly guy" they all last about 45 minutes each--more time where I have to answer all of the business calls that are YOUR responsibility in addition to doing my work. Sure, I understand making a personal call once in a while. Heck, I've even done it! But, unlike you, I always place my personal call on hold when a business call comes in. I make work a priority when I'm at work (wow, what a novel concept!).
And you know what really gets me about you? You CRITICIZE other employees for being lazy.
I'm SO sorry you have to DO YOUR JOB sometimes.
By the way, that faux hairpiece? Classy and understated. :)
Sincerely, Your Disgruntled Co-Worker